East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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