Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
