Your tits are I can't wait for
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
