Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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