people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
