so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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