he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
