she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
