Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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