haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
