I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
