I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
