There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
