In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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