idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Come on in and take your pants off
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