K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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