$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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