If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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