Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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