Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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