You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize