Banned from zoo.
Again?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
