i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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