just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
