At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
