she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
