Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
