first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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