I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
