dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
