well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
