I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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