After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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