i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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