I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
