he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
