You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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