hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
