I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont even know how to be here
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
