The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cannot find my penis.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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