Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
