Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
