Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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