ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
