Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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