I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
