Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
