is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize