I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
