His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
