thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
barbara walters just said penis...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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