the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm at about main and main street
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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