He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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