wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
