I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
