I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
