and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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