I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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