Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
third nipple confirmed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
