My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
