I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
