Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
