Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
