the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
