Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
