After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize