mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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