so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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