i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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