Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
