apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I sprained my soul last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
