its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's shark week go big or go home
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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