You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
