he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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