I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
