Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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