I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
