Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
