Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
